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Main Article information courtesy of

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/dissociative-identity-disorder-multiple-personality-disorder#1

Dissociative identity disorder (previously known as multiple personality disorder) is thought to be a complex psychological condition that is likely caused by many factors, including severe trauma during early childhood (usually extreme, repetitive physical, sexual, or emotional abuse).

Amanda Lee : Subject Zero

I am 39 years old and I live several different lives all in one body. You see I represent something that not many people are able to cognitively associate themselves with. I have had to remove my "self" from reality to protect my mind from the impact of certain situations that occurred causes me to become traumatized. I saw my first evil act when I was 2 years old this is when nameless; now known as Ruby developed I was raped by 5 18 year old teenagers and a broom this caused my innocence to remove itself and become unknown it was taken so therefore my mind safely placed the child in my head to keep it safe but this led to what you would consider a black out or a block. This has been a difficult life that I have led but I have so many stories to share and I also have established a way to help others learn more about this illness!

What Is Dissociative Identity Disorder?

Most of us have experienced mild dissociation, which is like daydreaming or getting lost in the moment while working on a project. However, dissociative identity disorder is a severe form of dissociation, a mental process which produces a lack of connection in a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of identity. Dissociative identity disorder is thought to stem from a combination of factors that may include trauma experienced by the person with the disorder. The dissociative aspect is thought to be a coping mechanism -- the person literally dissociates himself from a situation or experience that's too violent, traumatic, or painful to assimilate with his conscious self.

When I first began displaying symptoms of my illness it started with hearing voices and then led to overwhelming thoughts of self harm, the first attempt of suicide occurred when I was 8 years old and continued for most of my life. I have recently announced the process that I have undergone in trying to integrate myself utilizing peer mentoring and sharing my story of trials and tribulations only to inspire other people like me similar to the queen of the damned like Lestat I called out my demons to rise with me so we could gather an army and show the world that there is Room for me, I was always told that I was a plague on this earth, expendable, messed up and broken above all levels of recognition. I was never expected to live past my 28th birthday... I was told that my birth suggested a plague on this Earth and I should have been aborted and the world would have been a better place. I felt like a succubus a tick that only caused chaos. Now I feel like a seed that was misplaced in the shadows but found a bit of light allowing it to grow, this proved to be on the level of an angel guide here on Earth, thank you spirit guide.

Is Dissociative Identity Disorder Real?

You may wonder if dissociative identity disorder is real. After all, understanding the development of multiple personalities is difficult, even for highly trained experts. The diagnosis itself remains controversial among mental health professionals, with some experts believing that it is really an "offshoot" phenomenon of another psychiatric problem, such as borderline personality disorder, or the product of profound difficulties in coping abilities or stresses related to how people form trusting emotional relationships with others.

Most commonly misdiagnosed as skitzophrenia D I D patients often have a very unique manifestation of talents, however the issue that I find the most difficult is the ability to finish a project because I am a perfectionist this allots the fear to constantly take me to levels of reproach, the simplest thing causes me to automatically feel like someone is out to get me even in the most innocent of intentions. When someone is completely destroyed emotionally they begin to inflict self harm to prevent feeling the weight of their emotional baggage. My physical manifestation began when I was 7 I started having all kinds of accidents that were associated with the constant blackouts, for instance I was constantly at the emergency room acting on impulse and being a daredevil, I constantly found myself sick and also once again the looming thought of once again being a burden to those I cared about. I left Pennsylvania for the first time in 1993 where I went to meet my biological father in Alaska he had since remarried and they had a daughter this is when I was introduced to a new world, another piece of me became within this trauma because it was after me displaying my courage advising my mother that I was not going to witness her being killed at the torment of men beating her and making her feel unworthy. I was greeted with the reply of do not let the door hit you on the ass on the way out you ungrateful little bitch you already had your brother and sister taken from me and now you want to take away the man that loves me... I left unknowing the events to follow and also once again being stuck in a situation of hopelessness, so yes this is very much real and not an act so please do not take lightly when you see someone like me because there is ROOM FOR ME and my friends all of us in society we just require a bit more light.....

Other types of dissociative disorders defined in the DSM-5, the main psychiatry manual used to classify mental illnesses, include dissociative amnesia (with "dissociative fugue" now being regarded as a subtype of dissociative amnesia rather than its own diagnosis), and depersonalization/derealization disorder.

I have not been diagnosed with this aspect of it but as I am studying and learning more about myself and since I integrated; as of this time I am unsure if it is a full or partial integration I am still in transition. So far the characteristics are lack of emotion trying to reintroduce myself to the new aspect on human emotion and empathy also learning that how I speak to others needs to be a bit less confrontational and I am a lot calmer I think this is a product of the vape and also the hours of grounding with meditation and also the art therapy. One of my main triggers seems to be social media you see I began trying to get this in check several years ago when the symptoms were no longer bearable and needed to be understood with the constant battle of disorder it was becoming to the common conclusion death was the only escape, but instead of escaping into despair I escaped into DETERMINATION, to educate myself and others on people like me and also help people that have a slight touch of this themselves understand this is a normal reaction when an event occurs to disturb our life. The amnesia aspect kind of displays itself for me with night terrors where demons and shadow figures are attacking me as I am learning more about the interpretation of my dreams and keeping a dream journal, one of the most biggest breakthroughs that I had was utilizing the yoga and centering with just letting loose and freeing my mind of all doubt was a really incredible drawing that was inspired by a friend, you see I enjoy sketch art and a specific kind that I have noticed calms me down is Engraving most of you know this as the scratching technique; for me there is a unique tie that I did not relate to and also a huge breakthrough of events. I only feel comfortable with a blade on me and be aware that with the severity of my abuse prior to me establishing peace I was very confrontational and would not back down you would be surprised the amount of abuse that my body withstands and the level of pain that I can withstand.

What Are the Symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder?

Dissociative identity disorder is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct or split identities or personality states that continually have power over the person's behavior. With dissociative identity disorder, there's also an inability to recall key personal information that is too far-reaching to be explained as mere forgetfulness. With dissociative identity disorder, there are also highly distinct memory variations, which fluctuate with the person's split personality.

The "alters" or different identities have their own age, sex, or race. Each has his or her own postures, gestures, and distinct way of talking. Sometimes the alters are imaginary people; sometimes they are animals. As each personality reveals itself and controls the individuals' behavior and thoughts, it's called "switching." Switching can take seconds to minutes to days. When under hypnosis, the person's different "alters" or identities may be very responsive to the therapist's requests.

I am very self aware but I do not let most people know about my alters I constantly tell on myself and I am really intuitive with the things occurring, I felt the most comfortable in my surrounding when I was a wife this was a time of normalcy prior to a traumatic incident that woke the demons, this was where Mongola came into play, you see when I came to Maryland I had the chance of not being the person who no one wanted I got married to someone who I wanted to offer the world simply because he did not understand the language and he pretended to listen so my cries were falling on deaf ears. I however did take my nieces and nephews under my wing as well as other children in the neighborhood, this is where my affiliation began with MS13 and MS18, better know as Mata Salbatruco 13 I was an instant favorite because I learned due to my paranoia that I needed to be quick and also was so intrigued by the fact that they were like me in the pursuit for the great American Dream, plus he was willing to give me a name, no ring and it was his sister that actually decided we were getting married but it also was funny how I moved in I took a guy who was drunk and trying to fight my husband over me he stood me up on a date so I was waiting for him lol. The guy had a knife so I sprung into action round housed him and well kind of brought him to the ground and beat the shit out of him, not sure if my husband loved me or was scared shitless at this point I am pretty sure it was the second one lol especially after we had a lot of incidents where my temper became apparent, thankfully I have evolved from this state of resentment.